THE LARGER THAN LIFE SPROG OF LYME HALL
(ACTUAL TRANSCRIPT OF DEBRIEFING SESSION)
PROZAC: OK, this one has got to be an untouched photograph of an alien/human hybrid. The green-blooded freaks are preparing all-out war on democracy, freedom and peace in our time. Even as we speak they're intent on enslaving us with their petty bureaucracy and imposing meaningless customs and practises on us which are alien to our culture and way of life.
SERTRALINE: That's the Common Market, Prozac. This is something less sinister entirely. I must confess, Prozac, that when I first saw this photograph it had me totally confounded for reasons that will become apparent as I explain the basis of what we are seeing here.
In southern, central Africa there is a region that straddles the borders of Zambia, Zaire and Angola and which, even today, has been visited by very few white people. The denizens of this remote area are of two widely different ethnic groups: The Hellawi and the Oomatingi. It is believed that back in the mists of prehistory there were two tribal groups, who were almost identical genetically, living peacefully in co-existence. At some point and for some reason that we have so far been unable to discover the taller members of both tribes formed a splinter group and left the tribal grounds to live in the hilly country that forms the core of the region. Naturally this left only the smaller members of both tribes who, for their own protection, joined together to form a single tribe. As time passed an antipathy grew between the two new tribes to such an extent that as children were born their growth was closely monitored. Where they showed early signs of sharing the physical characteristics of the opposite tribe they were cast out to be taken in by those whom they more closely resembled.
Many centuries passed and as these practices continued unchecked the respective gene pools of each tribe strengthened to the extent that the short tribe grew progressively shorter whilst their tall counterparts grew progressively taller. Naturally they eventually reached the extremes that are evident from the photograph. You will appreciate, of course, that the physical differences are relative and are made to appear more radical than they actually are by the absence from the picture of any control, that is to say a person of normal stature.
My original failure to recognise the subject of the photograph for what he so obviously is was due to his skin coloration, he appears to be white. As I examined the photograph more closely it became apparent that he is suffering from the same pigmentation disorder, a particularly virulent form of Vitiligo, that has affected that unfortunate wretch Michael Jackson.
GENERAL MALAISE: Couldn't it be that the kid is standing nearer to the camera and the well-known monocular effect of that has caused an optical illusion when viewed in three dimensions?
PROZAC & SERTRALINE: (Sounds of chairs scraping. Long Pause...... Whispering) How does he do that? (Louder) We've been stuffed and no mistake!
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