WALL OF FAME
i was just wondering about what you wrote about fat people and the part where "they" claim they haven't eaten anything but still don't lose weight. this can actually be true, because for overweight people who have eaten too much in early years then cut down to nothing will actually put on more weight because the the body requires surprisingly little food to survive.
That's all really just thought you might want to know seen as though you know so much already... Everyonehush@aol.com
And the replies from Prozac & Sertraline (tee hee)...
I have finally managed to decipher your ramblings and can now see that you know as much about metabolism as you do about grammar.
You said: "i was just wondering about what you wrote about fat people and the part where "they" claim they haven't eaten anything but still don't lose weight. this can actually be true,"
No it can't!!!!!!
As I said in the rant, if you could read, IF PEOPLE DON'T EAT ANYTHING THEY CAN NOT PUT ON WEIGHT. It's very simple (much in keeping with your vocabulary): the fact is that matter can not be manufactured from nothing. If a FAT GET eats nothing they CAN NOT PUT WEIGHT ON. It's an excuse from the lazy, good-for-nothing, blight-on-normal-humanity, lard-retention types.
You then waffled on about, "because for overweight people who have eaten too much in early years then cut down to nothing will actually put on more weight because the the (2 THEs!!!) body requires surprisingly little food to survive."
What you actually mean is that their metabolism will slow down to protect them from starvation (Fat chance, if you'll excuse the pun (A pun is a play on words)). This is a well-known phenomenon and I didn't mention it in the rant because it has nothing to do with what I was lecturing you on.
You then, after presumably having had several books of wit and repartee read to you, wrote: "That's all really just thought you might want to know seen (sic) as though you know so much already..."
Quite right. The only fact you've got right all night!!!!
I know what I do because I am a writer and journalist. I research my writings before I commit them to paper or the Internet.
It's a habit you should develop. After, that is, you learn to read and write yourself. My next rant will be dedicated to people like you, who know nothing and yet are a constant irritant to those of us (usually known as 'YOUR BETTERS') who know a great deal and attempt to better your pitiful, shabby, sad lives.
By the way - are you a fat get?
Now piss off and stop bothering me.
Your obedient servant,
Or can I call you "everyone" since we appear to know one another so well. I am just following up Prozac's recent reply to your e-mail with one or two hints on English since it appears to be your second language and a firmer grasp might give any future letters of complaint a certain gravitas that is manifestly lacking from your recent effort. So, let's be methodical and work through your e-mail sentence-by-sentence:
"i was just wondering about what you wrote about fat people and the part where "they" claim they haven't eaten anything but still don't lose weight."
Firstly always start a sentence with a capital letter, furthermore the deployment of the letter "I" to denote the first person singular should always be capitalised irrespective of its position in the sentence. Unless, of course you're e.e.cummings, which you clearly aren't. Secondly you have used "about" twice within the space of five words; this is repetitive and shows a distinct lack of imagination on your part. Thirdly, ask yourself why you placed the word "they" in inverted commas: is it because it is a direct quote from Prozac's piece; is it for the purpose of ironic effect; do you even know why you did it? If not then why do it at all?
"this can actually be true, because for overweight people who have eaten too much in early years then cut down to nothing will actually put on more weight because the the body requires surprisingly little food to survive."
Now, I don't want to labour the point but there you go forgetting to start the sentence with a capital letter again. Next the comma following "true" is not necessary, it slows down the flow of the sentence and serves no purpose whatsoever. Try to think about speaking the words out loud. Would you pause after "true"? Most people would not though I expect that you might in order to, shall we say charitably , rally your thoughts. Moving on I think that you will find that "earlier" works more effectively than "early" in this context. Finally you should carefully spellcheck and proof read your work before sending it. The duplication of the word "the" was redlined on my screen as it will have been on yours and should have been rectified before the message was sent. After all we don't want people to think that we're sloppy do we. Not on top of the myriad other things that they will be thinking of us.
"That's all really just thought you might want to know seen as though you know so much already..."
I'm glad to see that you've finally mastered the Herculean task of opening a sentence with a capital letter. Now that wasn't too hard, was it? Unfortunately after a promising start you fell quickly away and left out the full stop that should have followed "really" and the "I" that should have preceded "just". You follow this in rapid succession by employing "seen" the past tense of the verb "to see" where you ought to have used "seeing" to form the conjunction "Seeing as though"
Finally allow me to introduce you to the word "satire", which curiously does not appear anywhere in your e-mail either in text or spirit. The definition of "satire" is as follows: "Sa-tire n Composition etc. ridiculing vice or folly or lampooning individual(s); use of ridicule, irony or sarcasm to expose folly, vice etc." You will hopefully understand from this that the target of Prozac's satire was not necessarily fat people in general (though I could be wrong here) but those who seek to excuse their excesses by the employment of feeble and risibly self-serving excuses not unlike the unsubstantiated and specious tosh that you offered as a defence of what I too suspect is your own corpulence.
As a favour to me please get yourself a sense of humour or, to use a suitably satirical idiom, lighten up!
Yours, at 144 lbs and 6ft (the correct weight for height),